After sitting down and having a good hard look at myself and my art practise, it occurred to me that I needed to sack up or go home. Was I going to fluff around or was I going to set myself some serious goals and then actively run those suckers down and achieve them?
A huge part of that achieving, it seems to me, is making myself accountable. Part of that is the Monday Blog where I check in and answer to myself if things aren't going as the goals say they should.
In light of that, this past week I would have to say I have finally done some of the HUGEST things I've been holding myself back from doing for way too long. At least 2 years too long.
I phoned some people, and got some support (who would have thought that a call to the Australian Tax Office would be pleasant?! But it was.) and then I kicked that goal right in the ass, and it's little brother too.
I finally set the website up with Store capabilities. I finally did it!!!! There's still some refining to do, and some products need photos and all that, but it's out there. (There's a lesson there and I bet you can guess what it is - do it once, do it right!! Whoops!)
The triumph when I got my first online order was astronomical!!!!!
But then. Reality check. Now I actually have to make a customer happy. It didn't take long for the crippling doubts to set in. What if they didn't like it when they got it? What if I die before mailing their order out to them? What if the postal service has a massive strike and the parts of this order I'm waiting on don't arrive??!
What. If. They. Hate. It?
There was a moment when I wanted to change it all back and hide, and go and get a menial job which would result in my soul being sucked out through my nostrils, but with no chance of other risk.
It was about then that the firm talking to happened. Something along the lines of, "Pull your head out of your bottom - they wouldn't have bought it if they didn't like it!!" Thank goodness for reality.
I went back to dancing round the kitchen, but more thoughtfully, more aware of what I am actually doing. The process has seemed a bit like sex, in a way. You know in a sort of random and vague way that once you do it, you get pregnant and then some time down the track you'll have a baby. But knowing that is vastly different to the actual KNOWING that comes as you try to push an orange through a cocktail straw.
It's been a week of hard core on the ground development, and it's development that I'm proud of. There have already been some lessons, and some little warning flags have gone up. Like, this is all about the art, not the other way round. This whole process is happening to allow me to get out in the studio and create art. I'm not creating art to feed this process. And family. Balance the family.
I can see that I could let the art making lapse while I fill orders and chase customers and sit on Facebook and Instagram doing "promotion". Which is why the next 3 months have got me set with a financial goal, a business goal, and a basic plan to get me there. There's product development goals. There's promotional goals. There's soul goals.
And until just then, I didn't realise that I didn't make any Art goals. See what I mean?
Note to self.
There were some things I didn't manage, and a big part of that was phoning a list pf people I need to phone and chat with. Important people and important chats. I've made them my Challenge for this week, and I have every intention of doing it. . . . I'm going to do it.
The emotional rollercoaster has been quite a ride this week, ending with me feeling capable, triumphant but determined, and ready to step back from being precious about it all.
It seems to have become, already, just that thing I am doing. And that's awesome, because like anything, once I've done it once, I know I can do it again and again and so I do. Which is pretty cool since that's the point.
Until next monday!